Smart-ass or Dumb-ass?

In my previous blog I explained how I came to live in Brazil. As the new year approaches I’m reminded of the New Year’s party I attended while living in Brazil.


As the holidays approached I had been in Brazil for about 4 months. My Portuguese had come along nicely, I’d met a lot of interesting people, and I had started to really get the feel for the place. Many of my friends and I were invited to a New Year’s Eve party at a local hotel. The party was for late teens and young adults (16-21) and was a semi-swanky sort of affair. We occupied the top floor pool area of the hotel.

The dress code was “Black and White” meaning you could only wear black and/or white. I brought no clothes with me that would be appropriate for the party but luckily a friend of mine was clothing designer and she enthusiastically volunteered to design and make clothes for me to wear. She was a very talented designer and seamstress but unfortunately she had never designed or made any men’s clothing. Her design came out cool but the fit was, well, kinda odd. But for one night I could endure ill-fitting clothes as long as they made me look studly. Which they did.

The party itself is pretty much what you’d expect for a New Year’s Eve party with that crowd. Lots of music, dancing, food and drinks. There is no “drinking age” in Brazil but the culture (at least where I was) frowned on abuse much more than in the States. Within my group of friends there was strong peer pressure against drunkenness.

Late in the evening (morning?) my buddy and I headed off to the restroom which was somewhat removed from the party area. I took care of business, washed my hands, and was drying when a third person came into the bathroom. I didn’t recognize him and he wasn’t conforming to the “dress code”. But he was in our party’s age group (early twenties) so I didn’t think anything of him until he pulled out a pistol. It wasn’t until then that I noticed that he looked like he just got out of bed and had a strange look on his face. He wasn’t all there. He was either mentally ill or on drugs. Either way not a good thing.

He told us to back away as the door closed behind him. He backed up until his back was against the door. With us backed up against the sinks we were only about 5 feet away from him. We asked him what he wanted but he said he didn’t want anything. Now I’m starting to get nervous. If I hadn’t already relieved myself I probably would have, right then and there. Since he didn’t want anything from us we suggested that he just let us go. Not only did he decline but he started waving the gun in our faces telling us to stay where we were.

We tried to find out what was going on with him and told him that he was making us very nervous. His reply was that we shouldn’t be scared because the gun was broken. All the more reason to let us go we said but once again he started pointing the gun towards us.

He seems bewildered that we were afraid. He asked us why we were afraid. We told him that we were afraid because he was keeping us in the bathroom at gunpoint. Once again he replied that the gun was broken but also added that the gun was not loaded. Apparently to emphasize this he said “would I do this if it was loaded?” and proceeded to open his mouth and stick the barrel inside.

I once read that the definition of tact is knowing when to shut your mouth before someone does it for you. I must have read this after this incident.

So my response to “would I do this if it was loaded?” was “I know I sure wouldn’t”.

Brilliant.

He quickly removed the gun from his mouth and placed the muzzle on my forehead. “You’re a real smart-ass aren’t you?” he said but surprisingly there was no anger in his voice. I fumbled out a quick apology.

The muzzle of the gun remained on my forehead for only a few seconds more before he seemed to become bored with the situation. Without a word he lowered the gun, turned, and walked out the door.

My buddy and I stayed in the bathroom for a bit to calm our nerves and to make sure we didn’t startle him on the outside. When we left the bathroom I headed off towards the party while my friend went to contact security. In less than five minutes security had the man pinned to the ground. He was still hanging around the bathroom area.

I arrived just as security was disarming him. I watched the guard eject a full clip from the pistol. It was loaded and, no doubt, functional. He was quickly carried away.

Months passed before I replayed the incident in my mind and realized that I had not been contacted by the authorities. At all. No questioning, no statement taken, nothing. I thought that maybe they wanted to keep it low key because an American was involved. The more I thought about it it was more likely that the police were never contacted and young man didn’t survive the night.

Happy New Year.